So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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