And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
