I'm really into asian looking animals
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
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