I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
