he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
