He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
