you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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