I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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