If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
