i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
