Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Randomize
