Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
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