Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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