My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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