dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Randomize
