Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
