Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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