i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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