we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
