They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
We are two peas in an std pod
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you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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