Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
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u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
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do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
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