Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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