They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
