when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
