Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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