I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
