it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
