Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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