So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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