We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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