i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
