hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Drake has all the answers
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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