it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
