I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
