It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
