oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
