people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize
