well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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