Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
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I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
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You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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