I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Randomize
