at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
