I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
