I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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