I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
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