This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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