I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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