i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Can I color on your dick again?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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