Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
