I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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