I hate your face
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
