Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I met the friendliest cop last night
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
