Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
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You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
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There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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