a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
