You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
What changed your mind?
Being sober
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
