Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
we made out on top of his cat.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
