the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
