ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
