Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
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