Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
