Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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