i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
