so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
