Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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