You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
There are leaves in my underwear?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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