My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
