Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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