Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
