it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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