Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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