Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i would one night stand the shit outta him
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
