it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
