I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
