I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
