she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
