I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
