I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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