??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
