i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
she peed on how many people?
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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