I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Randomize
